STATS: Currently I am 35 years old, very much so a woman, 5'8 and 143lbs.... oh and my name is Amy. Now, that we've become acquainted not because i told you my stats but because you know i love sex, lets get started.
I know that this should be my first blog post but instead I felt like I needed to test the waters and completely throw my mom under the bus and make it seem like she caused all of my eating disorders and crushed my self esteem with her very own hands while she screamed at me "You're fat" repeatedly. Although, thinking back it may have felt like that, it was not the case, I needed you all to see where i came from as just a chubby 13 year old girl from the valley who was called a whale and went on to fat camp that summer and so began the biggest misinterpretation of my life. The word DIET! Seriously when you think of the word diet, the first things that come to my mind are restrictions, torture, hunger and gimmicks. I would be willing to bet my tits that if you ask 5 people randomly 4 out of 5 will say some sort of restriction on eating when in reality this is the definition of the word:
DIET (n) noun- the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats:
Crazy?! Right? Our diet is suppose to represent the types of foods that we eat to keep our bodies in optimum health not to fit into a size 0 or to have a six pac abs or fit into the social norm of what an expectable body should look like according to society. So if our diet is suppose to feed our bodies so that we can live and our body functions to support our life then how could all of these "diets" feed us fake processed powdered foods, restrict fruits and basically have us leaving out entire food groups that are essential for our body to live and thrive. Atkins, Paleo, South Beach, 801010, vegan.... they should all be called Guides to becoming a Skinny Corpse!
For many years I struggled to understand why I couldn't eat just one donut like everyone else and why the compulsion to over eat was so difficult for me to over come. Although I developed a disordered relationship with food because of many circumstances at home and experiences, it still doesn't negate the fact that there was something else that had to be affecting my brain to drive my tendency to over eat into a never ending nagging message of "FEEEEED ME". I never understood how other people didn't feel it too.
In July of 2013 I was stuck by a car while I was riding my bike. At this point in life I had my weight under control and was working out most of my eating issues by doing the work books, meditations, speaking to therapists and becoming more vocal publicly about my issues. During my recovery they could not diagnose an issue with my leg and hip. Through having doctor after doctor tell me that I didn't have what I said I was feeling, I started to eliminate anything that I felt could cause clouding in my mind or affect my body negatively. I didn't want to take pharmaceuticals and since i was already studying holistic nutrition which is the principle of let food be thy medicine anyways, I started to eliminate anything unnatural from my diet. No microwaves, no processed foods, no gmo's, no pills and everything natural. As I started to eat more and more whole natural versions of foods i loved and developed an anti inflammatory diet, I started to notice that not only was I becoming more in tune with my body and how it was functioning but my noted disordered eating habits and tendencies seemed to not nag me mentally like they did before. I could eat a raw chocolate truffle and feel satisfaction without any guilt and more importantly that voice asking to "FEEEEED MEEEEE" was almost gone!
All I was trying to accomplish was getting a proper diagnosis so I could walk without a limp and be normal again. By reducing my inflammation so that I could manage my pain with marijuana and use nutrition to aid in the healing of all of my injuries and then by accident I discovered what my 13 year old chubby self from the valley had always wondered.... why my mind is always saying "FEEEEED MEEEEE" when my body wasn't.
CHEMICALS!!!!!!! It all comes down to the quality of the foods and the chemicals in them..... #TRUTH
Hey Amy it's Kane from the pool. I love how your personality comes out in your writing. You have interests similar to mine and would love to talk more with you! Not sure if my first comment posted, so I'm trying again. I really look forward to reading the rest. Thanks for sharing your wonderful work.
ReplyDeleteCoachkmd1@gmail.com 8184144174 I'd love to hear from you!
Kane